Who's afraid of a Sand Castle?!

Monday night Jamie and I went for a walk on the beach after sun set. The ocean's edge always feels different when the sun has left. During the day people leave their belongings sitting out on their towel as they swim and laugh; in the evening you are cautious of people walking anywhere near you and find yourself scowling at them.

Some how the sun makes us all feel safer; at dusk the water appears black and gives the impression that it is hiding something Unknown below. As we walked on the beach last night I put my feet into the water. I went in only up to the top of my ankles, the darkness enveloped my feet. My heart raced and I tried desperately to keep my toes in view. It felt that there was something unseen that wanted to grab them lurking in the shallow water. I ended up running back to Jamie and continuing to walk on the sand instead.

It was interesting how different I felt being on the beach at night time. The ocean's waves sounded too loud, a distant sand castle looked like a crouching villain, seaweed on the sand looked like black holes, the usually warm breeze was now too cold. These things had not changed but my reaction to them was affected by my feeling of Insecurity or Not Knowing.

Honestly, who is afraid of a sand castle?!?!

It made me think that possibly this same affect happens in other aspects of our lives. When I used to work at Polaroid in Waltham I would drive to and from work in bumper to bumper 128 rush hour traffic. I really enjoyed it at the time because people weren't driving crazy and I got to watch people in their cars and wonder about them. I would actually see some of the same people in traffic day after day. I always got to work at the same time, the traffic was very predictable and I knew the in's and out's of it.

Now I don't like traffic. No, I hate traffic, I feel trapped and that I have no control. My mind races trying to think how to Get Out, when will it end, will I be stuck here for the rest of my life, what if I have to go the bathroom? That always leads me to feeling that I have to pee right then and there. It's tough and I realize that it's all in my head but that doesn't make it easier.

The only thing that has changed is my own view of traffic, how could it appear so differently? I try and keep this in mind when I find myself overwhelmed, maybe things aren't as terrible as they seem.

Maybe it's just a distant sand castle in the evening light.